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  • My experience with long distance relationships

     Abe updated 2 months ago 2 Members · 3 Posts
  • Abe

    April 22, 2020 at 1:15 am

    Time for one of my stories I guess πŸ™‚

    It was totally unexpected. I was looking online for many years when I met someone quite by accident on a Yahoo group…related to websites. Anyways, he was seeking help with a website he was responsible for in his firm (Manila, Philippines) and I was there helping other people with their questions. We chatted for a few days, getting his website issues resolved and just getting to know each other. Finally we discovered we were both gay. The next year was a lot of very long chats. Because of our time differences I would come home from work at about 5 pm, which was about 8 am his time. His employment allowed for a lot of flexibility, so he could chat for a long time as well. We chatted for hours. And hours.

    After about 1 year of this, I knew I needed to go to the Philippines to see how genuine this relationship was. I went for 3 weeks and by the time I left, I knew I wanted to sponsor him to Canada. Fortunately same-sex marriage was just made legal in Canada so I could sponsor him as a family class member. Thus began a difficult task, both of us preparing all the documents required. We sent them to each other as well to double-check that everything was ok. That took us months. Finally we applied and then began a 7 month wait to find out if we would be accepted.

    Sadly, after 7 months we were rejected. The official statement from the embassy in Manila was that we could not offer up enough proof that our relationship was genuine. We both felt the real reason behind the rejection was that the interviewer in Manila was homophobic, but we couldn’t proof it. Of course we were both devastated.

    However, being Dutch meant I could also be stubborn. I arranged another visit the following year and this time we did everything the way immigration expected. We set up a joint bank account in Manila, I met his family and had written statements from them that they had met me and that they were aware of our relationship. We took pictures of us together all over Manila and a town north (Baguio) and dated those photos. When I returned to Canada I gathered all the proof of our chats, printed everything out, even proof of phone records. I asked all of my friends and family for letters attesting they were aware of our relationship. And of course, all of the application forms again. Finally I sent a bankers box full of paperwork to the Canadian Immigration office.

    But, I went a step further. I arranged a meeting with my local government representative (Member of Parliament). I explained what had happened and that we felt the rejection was based on homophobia. The Member of Parliament faxed the embassy in Manila stating he had reviewed our application and would be very surprised if it wasn’t approved. In fact he asked to be given a reason if there was any rejection.

    Seven agonizing months waiting for a decision. Then, we were talking on the phone one day as it was his birthday. While on the phone he received a package from the embassy and enclosed was his Visa to go to Canada.

    We were together for 7 years before we broke up. Since that time I have met someone (Mario is his name) and last year we became married. I was 66 years old and the first time married πŸ™‚ Fate is funny. My previous partner and I worked so hard to get him to Canada, but in the end I am with a much better man. Mario is sweet and loving – just the kind of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

    So, all of this is to say, “Yes, long distance relationships can work“. But be prepared for a lot of work to make it happen. A lot of work and a lot of patience and commitment. And it helps if you are a stubborn Dutchman as myself πŸ™‚


  • Crover

    April 30, 2020 at 8:39 pm

    Im having a long distance relationship too, i met someone on Fridae in 2016. We have been chatting for years after since. We find out we have a lot in common and comfortable to each others. We haven’t met each other so far, his wasn’t able to leave his job behind and fly here to meet me. But its ok, i know both of us are sincerely and deep down i know he is the one i’ve been waiting for. In this year, finally he was about to finish what he started and wanna to meet me, and the virus outbreak force our schedule delay to unknown, it was devastated. I hoping this virus outbreak can be over soon so that we can take this to another step.

    It wasn’t a easy relationship, we were afraid we are not genuine, afraid that maybe its a another scam, and a lot others concern too. But i truly hopefully that we are able to have a happy ending.

    Hope everybody can found his happiness and be happy. Cheers😊

    • Abe

      April 30, 2020 at 8:45 pm

      Thanks for sharing Crover. So sorry this virus interrupted your plans, but if this is meant to be, then it will happen. Stay strong πŸ™‚

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